You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
