my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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