Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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