I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
