i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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