Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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