11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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