Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
