apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it hurts more in the daytime
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
