i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
