Do you still have your period?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
