I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
