Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
