What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
