never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
