my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
