i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am naked and annoyed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
