She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
