she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
