what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
