ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
