im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
