My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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