Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
