I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
