fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
