I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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