roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
the raccoons are back...
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