if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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