i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
