I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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