There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
