i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT