this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.