wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.