I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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