my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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