just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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