That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
