My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
