he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
