i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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