god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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