Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
