this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
