I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
