you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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