So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
