That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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