I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
