When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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