We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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