there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
