She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
