"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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