My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
