i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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