So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
