I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
