The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
