Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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