Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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