i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
