with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
