She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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