Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
