Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
