Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize