We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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