I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
