Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
