Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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