Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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