Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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