I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
