3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
too bad you live with your parents still
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize