and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
