I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
