yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
