Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
