If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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