Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
