I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
