his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
